


Hope and Loosing Face

by RoeDusk



Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Sakumo lives for Guy, and Genma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 03:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12202833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoeDusk/pseuds/RoeDusk
Summary: After the war, Sakumo is ostracized by the Village.  But he lives.(aka The Guy saved Sakumo's Life by Accident fic)Warnings for Depression and Apathy.





	1. Scapegoat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with most of my stories, this was inspired by a cute scene in my head that... never actually got written. Instead it's become a multiple chapter long attempt at keeping Sakumo alive in a way that wouldn't change the plot that much (I don't need another rewrite-all-of-canon universe WIP on my plate).
> 
> Forewarning for Apathy and Depression, written from my personal experience. It's not a happy story, but I don't want to make anyone's day worse, so letting you know ahead of time. It's better than canon would have been, but yea... not happy.
> 
> That said, enjoy.

Sakumo gained fame first among his own village’s shinobi, small moments as tensions rose and the villages tested each other, preparing for war.  They were short of shinobi to respond the first time a team went missing, so his squad, with a jonin sensei and two newly promoted chunin in it, qualified for a rescue mission.  He’s the one who found their comrades in the end, just in time to intercept the hunter nin preparing to finish them off. 

Killing one and holding off the others long enough for his team to find them and take them down was enough to impress, but he’d carried the worst of the injured back to Konoha on his back before collapsing from the poison he hadn’t realized he’d inhaled.  Just a breath, and he recovered within a week under the hospital’s care, but it was enough to send whispers through the ranks of the white haired chunin who brought back his comrades safe even while poisoned.  A good story, and one he could never get anyone to let go of no matter how hard he protested that it didn’t happen like that. 

From then on his skill in bukijutsu and elemental chakra only increased, his reliance on stealth became a lifestyle, and his team was sent on more and more difficult missions as the war began and they rose through the ranks.  He learned how to slice with his chakra through a tanto, and then how to store a fraction of that chakra with each use in one particular blade.  Even when chakra exhausted and running on bukijutsu alone his blade would flash white, and his enemies took notice.  By the time he’d made jonin he was Sakumo Hatake, the White Fang of Konoha, stealth assault specialist and somehow all the more famous for it.  But his favorite missions were still the rescues, where he could break in to make sure his own people made it back from behind enemy lines.  His enthusiasm shone through in his success rate, never once losing a comrade between recovering them and Konaha’s gates.  And only once did he lose a fellow nin between the gate and the hospital. 

However, wars rush on, requiring more and more assault missions, and leaving resources for fewer and fewer rescue missions.  Ninjas were left behind, captured, and declared dead while still very much alive.  And on one such mission, just when the end of the war seemed to be in sight, Sakumo turned back to save his teammates rather than carry the mission to the end.  They barely escaped, one unconscious comrade needing to be carried from the scene, another faltering at his side but keeping up.  Pushing past the point of exhaustion until even conscious thought quit on them.  And the war dragged on another year. 

He’s not sure when the whispers start, but by the end of that year, when the dead can be numbered in the hundreds on both sides, a councilmember looks him in the eye and accuses him in front of all the others as the man who caused the war to drag on so long.  If he’d just done his job, not let his emotions get the better of him and finished the mission, the war would have been over a year ago.  There’s some truth in it, but even when he was famous Sakumo never considered his actions to be the sole cause or reason for any event, and he’s too polite to point out that it’s ridiculous to pin the blame on one source alone.   

It still hurts that the others seem to believe it, happy to take the scapegoat offered.  An easy falsehood, rather than trying to diffuse tensions still running high between the villages.  Instead of working to make sure nothing like this can happen again there is slander, civilians glaring at him in the streets, and threats from ninja he’d fought beside to stay away from them.  Traitor, they hiss, even those he’d saved, forgetting that he’d come back for them in their time as well.  Even those ninja who do not mock him openly, even those who look at him with pitying eyes, do not approach, instead keeping their distance to avoid the taint of his company. 

Sarutobi has no answers for him, no reason for the rumors or solutions to the attacks.  He lost two of his students to the end of the war, and Sakumo can’t help but wonder if the last one resents him for that, even knowing how irrational that blame would be.  Wonders if the Hokage blames him for Dan’s death in that last push, and how it drove Tsunade away.  He wonders if the older man can even remember through his grief that Sakumo lost a teammate when Dan died as well.  If he even cares. 

But whatever the reason, Sarutobi is tired and has to turn his attention to rebuilding, to reigning in a council still riled by war, and reassure the common people they will be safe once again.  He hasn’t the time or sway to bring Sakumo back into the others’ good graces.  Instead he recommends laying low, until the war fades in people’s memories and they can move on from their hate.  Once the rumors of his blame die down, everything will be able to go back to normal.  With Jiraiya missing in Ame, Tsunade fled, and Dan gone, Sakumo doesn’t think either of them are fooled by the hope that things will ever be normal again. 

 

* * *

 

The first year wasn’t that difficult.  Sakumo was a ninja used to stealth infiltrations, so keeping out of the eyes of the village was simple enough.  It was slightly more difficult to get groceries than he’d expected, but with a little compromise he managed to keep his shelves stocked with only the bare minimum of human interaction needed. 

That didn’t mean the whispers didn’t get to him some days.  That he didn’t agonize over the mission and if there was anything he could have done to prevent the outcome.  But it would never be something he could change, and Sakumo knew he would choose to put his comrades lives first every time.  That was one of the tenants the village had been founded on, and the reason the Hatake clan had chosen Konoha for their allegiance.  But more than that, it was who he was, one of the few truths he’d been allowed to keep as a ninja.  He wouldn’t change it just to spare himself a little pain. 

But the whispers still hurt.  Why couldn’t they understand why he made that decision?  Why vilify him for saving their own when the outcome of war could not be guaranteed.  They’d needed everyone who could fight on the field, and he’d brought two back alive to keep fighting.  Would they still have hated him if he’d left them to die?  Or, perhaps it was that he hadn’t saved their loved ones and neighbors as well that drove them to lash out.  If Konoha needed a scapegoat to heal, he was willing to take the blame, for now.  They would remember themselves as time went on, the ninja at least, and he would rejoin them once more. 

 

* * *

 

The whispers don’t die down.  They spread through the village in waves, but never reached a true lull.  Even a year and a half after the war he received glares and hatred if he was spotted on the street.  Ninja would point him out to their friends or family and call him traitor, citing the Shinobi Laws as proof.  It smacked of a propaganda campaign, but Sakumo refused to believe that his home could turn on him so blatantly.  Tear down one of their own they had praised as a hero, on grounds any ninja should know better than to believe.  Look underneath the underneath, they couldn’t all be blind. 

But maybe apathetic was the better descriptor.  In the wake of a war the conscientious gave their time to rebuilding, and the survivors spent time with their families and friends.  They had no time to defend Sakumo, no desire to join in his disgrace, so they let it be.  He understood, he was one of them after all.  So he didn’t blame them, not for himself. 

No matter how he tried to stop it, he blamed them for Kakashi.  His son still walked the streets, went to school every day and back, and they turned their whispered on him as well.  They blamed a child in his hearing for the hate they bore his father, and Kakashi, his dear sweet son, closed up under the scrutiny.  He stopped showing emotion to all but a select few.  And when Sakumo asked if he wanted him to attend his graduation ceremony he just gave his father a dark look. 

“You’ll only make it worse.” 

He missed his son’s graduation ceremony, never even learned the names of his team, and that hurt more than anything.  So passed the second year. 


	2. Apathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the lowest point. Please proceed with care.

It’s the quiet that gets to him in the end. 

Sakumo is a genius, he’s been studying combat since he was 4, chakra manipulation since 6, and his clan’s strange white chakra since 7.  Entering the academy only meant a more official venue for reviewing the basics, with afternoons training to understand secrets only his clan were supposed to know.  He’s been an active shinobi since age 10, never without a mission for long, and was one of the most dispatched ninja in the village throughout the whole war. 

He just isn’t used to going so long without a mission. 

Sarutobi’s orders to lay low and avoid the village’s disdainful eye were meant for his benefit, even if it was the least effort the Hokage would need to put into solving the problem.  But the older nin’s schedule was packed day in and day out, had been even since before he took up the hat.  He couldn’t comprehend the torture years without purpose could be to any of his subordinates.  The worst he could imagine was being relegated to bed with paperwork after a particularly bad injury.  And even that was a purpose.  So the Hokage didn’t worry about what Sakumo might be going through in his enforced vacation, focusing on more immediate matters. 

After two years without a mission, or even a reason to get up in the morning, Sakumo found less and less reason to get out of bed.  His son came home only to eat or sleep, and sometimes not even then.  Kakashi didn’t need him, didn’t even want to be seen with him.  The little boy who’d been so happy to walk home with him and tell him about his day had disappeared, paying for his own food and going on his own missions.  Sometimes Sakumo didn’t even know the reason Kakashi didn’t come home. 

At least he’d figured out who Kakashi’s sensei was.  Minato Namikaze might seem like a bit of a pushover if you ever saw him on a date with his girlfriend, but he was firm and kind to his students.  He’d do his best to make sure Kakashi stayed safe. 

But that meant Sakumo didn’t even need to get out of bed to buy groceries most days, already used to stocking up on long lasting meals so he spent less time in the grocery store.  Kakashi didn’t eat what he bought anymore, so it only needed to be replenished when Sakumo himself ran out.  Knowing that, he began to eat less.  He wasn’t hungry so he didn’t bother with breakfast most days, and found that laying in bed rather than exerting the effort to get up meant he didn’t need as much food as he was used to.  He cut back on training as well, why bother when the promised return to active status was not forthcoming. 

By the end of the third year he rarely, if ever, got out of bed before noon, and couldn’t remember most of what he did each day.  Kakashi was almost never home anymore, and the whispers in the village hadn’t faded, even when they only saw him three or four times a year.  A new war had broken out, maybe that’s where they got the ammunition to keep the hate campaign up against him. 

Sakumo found he couldn’t work up the effort to care most days, finding refuge in remaining tired as long as he could, and doing his best not to think of how far he’d fallen when he finally got up to eat at least one meal.  He couldn’t even bring himself to care that there was a war waging outside the village walls.  People he once would have given his life to protect were dying and he could only dredge up some speck of worry for his absent son. 

Some small part of him, one that could think honestly without forcing him to fully wake up, hoped Kakashi would come on one of those mornings and ask him why he wasn’t up, or an old comrade would come to demand he fight beside them once again.  Maybe that push was all he’d need to get up, go outside, and train like he hadn’t in months.  But no one cared enough to do that.  So he stayed where he was. 

He wasn’t trying to kill himself, but if no one cared he was gone, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he disappeared. 


	3. I'm on your side

It was the banging that caught his attention finally, a heavy thudding from the direction of the front door that fell silent as soon as he became aware of it, only to pick back up again a few seconds later.  Someone was at the front door, he realized, knocking loudly and persistently before listening for a response.  And if they’d been at it long enough to rouse him from his stupor they could have been there for quite some time.  A stirring of curiosity woke him up a hair, wondering who it might be.  It wasn’t enough to get him moving, or even to consider opening the door to greet them, but it was more life than he’d had in days.  Or was it months? 

“Sakumo!” A loud voice called out in the next lull, startling the white haired ninja further awake as he tried to place it.  He knew he knew that voice.  “Are you awake, Sakumo?!”  A long pause, with no response, and the knocking started up again. 

Dai, Sakumo realized after another moment’s thought.  It was Might Dai.  Kakashi and Guy had been hanging out quite a bit before.  Were they… were they still doing that?  Or had Guy stopped wanting to be seen with his son when the whispers started? 

“I am worried about you, Sakumo!” Dai called into the silence after another round of knocking ended.  “You remain within your home as though injured, or with a heavy heart, and yet I have heard nothing of your recovery.  You do not venture outside your home, even your bed if young Kakashi is to be believed, and no one comes to visit you.  So I have come!  In the hope of reassuring you that your youth, and your value as a comrade are not yet faded, I have come to check on you!” 

Silence follows this declaration.  A weight of anticipation in the air and Sakumo’s chest, wondering what the Eternal Genin will do that no one else should have done better.  It stretches so long he gives it up as a foolish thought, deciding Dai too must have given up on him. 

It’s just about the end of this thought when the door to his room slides open, revealing the Eternal Genin himself peeking through the gap.  When he sees Sakumo laying there he opens it the rest of the way and steps inside. 

“You must not give up, Sakumo,” the green clad ninja told him quietly, coming to crouch down beside his bed.  “You serve our village in a capacity a genin like me can only dream of, and that rank forced you into a terrible position.  Even then, you remembered the heart of the village that binds us together, and did all you could to ensure your comrades made it home.  That they would shun you for this sacrifice is foolishness.  I am honored to call you my comrade.” 

This late after his failure it seemed like a trick, a sympathetic genjutsu conjured by his tired mind.  So he said nothing, watching the man in front of him and waiting for the moment the dream would shift to some other image.  He must have fallen asleep again, because he woke up later to the smell of food, finding a platter laid out beside his bed with dinner, tea, and a note apologizing for Dai’s departure.  He had a D-rank that needed to be completed before dawn, but had changed Sakumo’s pajamas and sheets before washing what he had been wearing and hanging them out to dry. 

The food was cold, and the situation a bit difficult to accept.  Not to mention embarrassing once the reality caught up to him.  But it was the first kind word Sakumo had from anyone in a long time, and he tucked the memory away for safekeeping without realizing it.  The food was bland but healthy, and he cleared the plate before taking a trip to the kitchen to put it away.  A moment of hesitation there, wondering if he shouldn’t say thank you, or at least make the effort to clean up a bit of the dust starting to gather in his silent, empty house.  But he decided against it for now, tireder than he remembered being before, and stumbled back to bed so he could sleep while his stomach digested the food. 

Afterwards he would regret not taking the chance, as it was the last time he would see Might Dai alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe Sakumo and Dai decided they weren't friends. They hadn't even really met before their kids started hanging out. But Dai is just that sort of person, the same way Guy is later. And taking care of Sakumo is actually easier than most of the D-ranks he's done over his career.


	4. Finding Guy

When Sakumo wakes the next day it’s much earlier than usual, and the sight of a half drank cup of tea manages to drag him the rest of the way out of bed.  He’d left it there when he couldn’t drink the whole thing, telling himself he’d finish it later, but lukewarm tea was still lukewarm tea hours later and he hadn’t.  Not wanting to attract insects into his bedroom, even in his current state of caring, forced Sakumo to get out of bed, bringing the cup to the kitchen to be drained and cleaned. 

Unused to being up this early, his body starts looking for energy to run on, to wake him up more, but only finds the tail ends of his meal the night before and starts to complain.  It takes the white-haired ninja by surprise, his half asleep horizontal state of late didn’t take up enough energy to be hungry.  But it’s familiar, in a further off way that means _before_ , and sitting in his kitchen he knows what to do to fix it.  A simple problem with a simple solution.  It’s just plain rice, nothing fancy, but he was able to make it by himself.  Nothing to strenuous, almost the same amount of effort as if he’d stayed in bed to watch the rice boil and take it off when it’s done. 

Only it’s really not.  It’s something he had to do, and did. 

This new hint of purpose carries him through eating, cleaning up the dishes, then through washing them and putting them away.  Looking around then he almost can’t think of anything else to do, and it’s tempting to sit at the table and stare into space for a while.  But there’s a layer of dust on the table and the counters, that’s something he can remedy as well.  So he gets out the cleaning supplies. 

He’s not sure what he’ll do once he finishes cleaning the house, but it’s not worth thinking about when he already feels more alive than he has in weeks. 

He’s finished the kitchen and dining rooms, partway through the hallways when someone starts banging on his door again.  This isn’t the steady knocking Dai did the day before, it isn’t loud enough for one thing, but the rapid pounding of someone in a hurry.  Sakumo hesitates for a moment, wondering if it would be better to pretend he wasn’t there and let them rant without being able to see him.  But the intruder’s voice, when they get fed up and yell at the door, is his son’s age, not one of his former comrades come to blame him for their problems. 

“Hatake!  Damn it Hatake, if you’re in there open the door!  I know you’re emotionally stunted but this isn’t the time to pull your disappearing act and leave it to saner people to handle.  He’s your _friend_ , and he needs us to be there for him!  So answer the door!” 

Sakumo has no idea who this is, or even what they’re talking about, but it hits all of his raw emotional wounds.  It didn’t occur to him to wonder if the young man pounding on his door was looking for his son until he slid the door open and the genin in question took a step back in startled alarm.  His appearance threw Sakumo for a loop as well, were the youngest generation really this young? 

“You needed something?” The older ninja asked after a breath of startled silence, wanting the awkward standoff to be over so he could go back to hiding in his home. 

The young man eased out of his defensive stance slightly, “Uh… Is Kakashi here?” 

Sakumo shook his head mutely, torn between closing the door immediately or giving a polite good day first.  Which is why the young man’s sudden straightening, with an angry scoff, took him by surprise. 

“Fine!  I don’t care anymore, he can do whatever.  You can help instead.” 

“I… what?” The white haired ninja stammered, rusted social skills floundering as the conversation got away from him. 

“We need to find Guy,” the young man explained shortly.  “He said he just wanted some time after we reported in and went off on his own.  But it’s been hours since then, and he’s not at any of his usual training grounds.  I even checked his usual dining or resting spots.  Ebisu and I split up to see if anyone’s seen him, we need to find him before he does something we’ll all regret.”  Then, quieter, “He shouldn’t be alone at a time like this.” 

“What happened?” Sakumo asked, and the young man looked away, one hand coming up to pull at his bandanna. 

“We got attacked by the Seven Swordsmen, all seven of them, while scouting.  Then Guy’s dad showed up out of nowhere and told us to run.  I think he pulled some kind of suicide ploy.  Guy was crying just about all the way back.” 

Sakumo felt his blood run cold.  Suddenly it didn’t matter that he was wearing dust covered cleaning clothes with only a handful of kunai in his pockets.  Dai was dead, and his son had disappeared.  He stepped outside, closing the door behind him. 

“Tell me where you’ve already looked, and we’ll start from there.” 

The young man shot him a relieved grin before complying. 

 

It was already afternoon when Sakumo left the house, and they didn’t find Guy until well after dark.  He was on a hill in the woods behind the village, knees pulled up to his chest and staring away into the dark.  From the way the forests had settled around him he hadn’t moved in some time. 

Sakumo hesitated at the edge of the clearing, not sure how to approach a boy he’s only seen his son talk to a handful of times.  The kid with him slows down as well but doesn’t stop, pausing only long enough to take in the scene and try to figure out what to do next. 

“Guy?” He calls gently.  Three more slow steps.  “You scared everyone, disappearing like that, you know.” 

“My apologies, Genma,” Guy replied brokenly, the other genin taking that as an invitation to crouch beside him.  Sakumo felt something in his chest twinge at the tears he could see streaming down Guy’s face as he turned to his friend.  “I just, did not wish to force anyone to deal with me when I was like this.” 

“Instead you make us spend hours looking for you…” The kid, Genma, grumbled before punching Guy on the shoulder.  “Idiot.  We might not be best friends like you and Kakashi, but we’re your _team_.  We’re supposed to help each other.” 

Guy is staring at him, wide eyed, unsure of how to respond to something like that said to him unprompted.  So he addresses the only thing his mind can handle at the moment. 

“Kakashi is my most hip and youthful rival.  The one who pushes me to ever greater feats in the fury of our youthful competitions.” 

“Yea, best friends, eternal rivals, whatever,” Genma replies, rolling his eyes.  “Practically the same thing, where you two are involved.  All I’m saying is I’m here too, and I don’t want you running away so I don’t have to when the going gets hard.” 

“My friend,” Guy cried, and suddenly Genma found himself crushed to the other genin in a tearful hug.  “If I ever make such a mistake again I will do 5000 pushups.” 

“You do that,” Genma agreed with a relieved smile, not bothering to wiggle free enough to use his trapped arms to hug back.  But he did manage to at least pat Guy on the side with his freer hand.  Sakumo found his lips curling into a smile in spite of himself. 

He was debating heading back home and leaving the kids to their bonding when Guy sat back up and caught sight of him.  The black haired genin stared at him in shock for a moment before looking between him and Genma in increasing confusion.  Eventually he settled for peering intently into Genma’s face as though searching for some answer, until the other genin finally had enough. 

“What?”

“You got Mr Hatake to come out of the house,” Guy blurted out, eyes wide. 

Genma frowned at his enthusiasm, glancing at Sakumo curiously before turning back to Guy.  “Well, yea.  I went over to see if I could find Kakashi, when we couldn’t find you.  He wasn’t home but this guy was, and he agreed to help.”  The genin frowned slightly into the distance.  “Not sure where the younger one is, honestly.” 

“Kakashi has been staying with us of late…” Guy murmured, face falling at the reminder of his father. 

“Oh,” Genma managed, deliberately not looking at Sakumo again.  Then he blinked, “That’s probably where he is then.  At your house, in case you needed someone there when you came back.” 

Guy seemed to wilt even as he nodded, and when Genma didn’t seem to be able to think of anything to say Sakumo found himself doing it instead. 

“What is it?” 

“Nothing I… I simply do not wish to return home and…”  Guy curled in on himself further, actually unable to finish the thought aloud.  Genma grit his teeth, and Sakumo felt the twinge in his chest again. 

“Why don’t you stay with us then?” 

It was out of his mouth before he’d really had time to think it through, but that didn’t mean he didn’t mean it.  All it really meant was that he’d have to think of some way to get Kakashi home, and what to even do with a child who’d just lost their sole parental support.  Not lay in bed all day and ignore them, that was for sure.

“You… you would let me stay at your home?” Guy stammered, eyes wide.  Beside him Genma was considering the jonin with hope and no little suspicion. 

Sakumo nodded, “You’ve done so much for Kakashi, it’s only right we give a little back now when you need help, right?  Besides, I don’t think he’d ever forgive me if I left you on your own right now.” 

Then he had an armful of crying genin in a bone crushing hug, much as Genma had before.  One arm had managed to stay free, however, and he returned the embrace with that, ignoring the creak in his ribs for now. 

Genma stood and wandered over almost lazily, at odds with the calculating look he was giving the pair.  Whatever he saw, he relaxed after a few moments, grinning at the trapped jonin over Guy’s head.  “I’ll go find Kakashi and send him home,” He told Sakumo before turning away with a wave.  “Anything you want me to grab for you Guy?” 

“I do not know how long I will be away…?” Guy offered, pulling back far enough to look at Sakumo questioningly. 

“A change of clothes, or two if you have them,” The jonin suggests, continuing when Guy nodded.  “And… pyjamas?  If Kakashi’s there he might have a better idea, and we can go back together in a day or two if there’s anything else you need.” 

Genma nodded, glancing back.  “Well, I’m off.  You take care of him, ok?  See you tomorrow Guy.”  And with one final wave he disappeared into the trees. 

With Guy’s grip still slightly loosened Sakumo could finally pull him into a proper hug.  The genin started as his feet left the ground, an arm moving to hold his legs as Sakumo started back towards his home. 

“Mr Hatake…” Guy murmured, “Even in such a state I am capable of walking on my own.” 

“Sometimes it’s nice to know someone’s there to carry you, even when the worst happens,” Sakumo told him quietly and Guy fell silent.  That silence continued past arriving at the house, well into Sakumo retrieving the first aid kit to treat the cuts and scrapes Guy had received during his team’s mission. 

He was just putting a bandaid on Guy’s scraped knee when the genin spoke again. 

“It is not that I wished to avoid those who would try to help me through this.  Nor that I wished to test them by making them work to find me.  I simply forgot to consider them when choosing to avoid everyone else.” 

“How so?” Sakumo asked as he moved onto the slice on Guy’s arm, hopefully leaving the question open ended enough to give Guy an out if he didn’t want to talk about it. 

The younger ninja hesitated for a long moment before bowing his head.  “I do not wish to hear the village talk of him.  Even those who knew my father will be surprised he could know such a powerful technique.  Then they will start wondering if he had such a technique why he never made chunin.  And they will wonder how he managed to hold off the seven swordsmen long enough for us to escape.”  Guy’s fists clenched as he continued. 

“My father may not have been the strongest or the highest ranking ninja in the village, but he lived his life by his ninja way, and in the end he sacrificed it to protect his comrades.  I am proud that the peak of his youth burned in such a way!  But I do not want that to be how he was remembered!  People in the village will forget how he lived his life, through hard work, and remember only how he died!  That is not the story of his youthful efforts, every day working hard to train himself and make a living while his comrades ridiculed him for it!” 

Tears were streaming down the kid’s face again and Sakumo found himself frozen, not sure what to do or even to say.  But Guy still wasn’t done. 

“And none of that means I am not proud of him!  That I do not appreciate the sacrifice he has made!  I will live on, practicing my own ninja way and following the teachings he has left me!  True Victory is not defeating someone strong, but being able to protect someone important!  Can you hear me father?!  I will train harder, so that next time I will be able to protect my comrades with my own hands!  And even if the village never considers me a powerful ninja, I will not give up on what is important to me, defending it with all I have to give!” 

And that resonated somewhere deep in Sakumo’s soul.  A small sliver he’d thought he’d forgotten that it made him turn back for his comrades and doomed him to the status of village pariah without regret.  But that’s what it really was about, wasn’t it?  Protecting the village and his comrades even against their will.  Dai might not have said so when he visited, but there were people out there who did not see Sakumo’s actions as wrong.  And even if there were only some like Genma and Guy, who didn’t know but appreciated his efforts anyway, he’d be alright. 

“It’s ok to miss him,” he told the younger man with a pained smile.  “Even if you’re proud of what he did, and you know he did it to save you, that doesn’t mean you can’t wish it didn’t have to be this way.” 

Guy sniffed noisily and rubbed his face on his sleeve, but nodded.  Sakumo finished tying the bandage on his arm and stood, resting a hand on Guy’s shoulder. 

“Let’s get you set up for the night.”  Where…?  Uh… “How do you feel about sharing Kakashi’s room for now?  We can figure out something more permanent in the morning, but I think the only clean spare futon is in his closet.” 

“Thank you, Mr Hatake, that would be fine,” Guy murmured, exhausted from his mission and worn out from crying.  He let Sakumo guide him to his feet and down the hall to Kakashi’s room, accepting the loan of Sakumo’s spare sleep clothes and assistance laying out the futons before collapsing and almost immediately falling asleep.  Sakumo had no delusions that there wouldn’t be nightmares, but he wasn’t sure what he could do to help until they happened.  So left the genin where he fell and retreated back to the kitchen. 

Several long minutes later Kakashi hesitantly stepped around the corner from the front door, freezing in the doorway at the sight of his father.  Both Hatakes stared at one another for a long moment, neither sure exactly what to say after weeks of not talking to one another.  Finally Sakumo offered his son the tray he’d prepared. 

“Could you bring this up for you and Guy to share, if he’s awake?  He was still asleep when I left him, but from what I gathered he hasn’t eaten all day, so the smell might wake him.” 

“Yea,” Kakashi agreed, accepting the tray after two skittish steps into the room.  He took one step back and turned before hesitating, glancing back out of the corner of his eye.  “Where did you put him?” 

“Your room,” Sakumo admitted sheepishly.  “Should I not have?  He can move somewhere else in the house tomorrow night…” 

“No, that works,” his son cut him off haltingly.  “Thanks.”  Then he was gone. 

After that staying in the darkened kitchen to clean up after himself became suddenly draining.  Putting the last plate on the rack to dry Sakumo disappeared back to his room.  There was nothing else he could do now, time to call it a night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who's noticed, I didn't put Kakashi in the character tags because I'm not sure his few lines of dialogue are enough to count him as a main character. I can put him up there if people prefer, but for now he's more noticeably absent than present, so I left him out.


	5. Cost of Living

Getting back on his feet wasn’t as easy as getting out of the house just once.  Having to get up in the morning to check on Guy, make sure he had what he needed from his house and there were enough groceries for everyone to feed themselves worked for a while.  But Guy still had missions, and Kakashi was still avoiding him, even when they were both home.  Once Guy was back on his feet Sakumo found himself struggling to get out of bed again.  The days when Guy had a mission and Kakashi may or may not just be avoiding him were the worse. 

He might have slipped back into depression if Genma hadn’t shown up late two weeks later to pester him for training tips and sparring matches.  Sakumo couldn’t figure out why this young man would want to train with him when even Kakashi was avoiding anything that might tie them together.  But Genma never said why he came back, or even if Sakumo had been his last choice, and the jounin didn’t quite dare ask. 

The closest he got was after apologizing for catching Genma off guard while training taijutsu.  He’d thrown the younger man across the clearing into a tree, but Genma just laughed dryly at the apology, sitting up gingerly without a trace of accusation. 

"What do you think training with Guy is like?  I mean, it hurts, sure, but nowhere near as bad as it could be.  Just means I need to train harder to catch up with you.” 

“Why?” Sakumo asked before he could talk himself out of it. 

Genma gave him an odd look, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re a few _leagues_ ahead of me…” 

“Why me?”

Something sharpened in the younger man’s gaze, almost a glare directed beyond what he was seeing.  It was still angry enough that Sakumo almost convinced himself he’d crossed a line somewhere when the younger man finally responded. 

“Because no matter what anyone else tries to say you’re a skilled shinobi, one of the best in the village.  I’m lucky you’ll even humor me and I plan to make the most of that willingness before you wise up and send me on my way.” 

Sakumo wants to ask about the glare that accompanies those last few words.  Ask who tried to warn Genma away, or even just what he’s given up by refusing to back off.  Tainted by association, the way Sakumo’s own son has been trying to avoid.  But there’s a stubborn tilt to the younger man’s jaw as he stands, dusting himself off. 

“Well then, let’s see how long I last this time.” 

There’s nothing Sakumo can really do in response except smile gratefully and agree. 

 

* * *

 

When Genma asks to postpone their training until further notice, Sakumo agrees with a resigned understanding, not even asking for his reasons why.  Guy has been spending more time in the woods training of late, not even returning home to eat, and Kakashi’s presence is as insubstantial as ever.  Of course Genma would realize his time was better spent elsewhere, it was only a matter of time. 

In his self loathing he locks himself away again.  Three days pass before Genma returns, almost giddy, to tell him his team made it past the second stage of the chunin exams and to thank him for all his training so far.  Sakumo’s surprise must show on his face, as out of practice in concealing his thoughts as he is, because Genma’s gaze sharpens as he frowns.  He asks if the others mentioned the exams at all, if Sakumo had known Guy and Kakashi both entered.  He hadn’t, and somehow that doesn’t manage to surprise him anymore. 

Genma watches him silently for a long moment, hesitant and young as Sakumo teeters on the brink of another really bad day.  Then he leans forward awkwardly where he’s sitting beside the older ninja to bump their shoulders together. 

“So… any chance you’re available to be my teacher for the next month?  The third exam’s all about one on one combat and I need to come up with something that can stop Guy without him feeding me my teeth.” 

Genma is promoted after the final round, and he doesn’t sound false when he claims it’s all thanks to the lessons Sakumo taught him.  And even though he’s just trained himself into the ground for a month he asks if they can meet up the next day to go over all the weak points the final exam revealed.  Sakumo asks him about it afterwards, and the younger man shakes his head with a small smile. 

“It’s silly, I just… There’s a man I want to catch up with, keep safe.  Even if he really doesn’t need it.  But I figure if he’s going to be Hokage some day there’ll be a position there I can take, if I’m strong enough.” 

There’s nothing in that statement that makes Sakumo think ‘Minato’ until he gets the story of how the man changed Genma’s life years later, after entirely too much alcohol.  But it’s a powerful feeling to know the newly-minted chunin has decided he wants to dedicate his life to protecting someone and is looking to Sakumo to help him do it.  Almost like someone thinks he made the right choice all those years ago, but he doesn’t let himself hope just yet.  Genma will set him straight later, after the end of the war, but just the idea of hope is enough for now. 

Kakashi also passed, but Sakumo only learns about it when Guy comes home bragging loudly about his rival’s prowess and insisting they celebrate.  Kakashi freezes in the doorway as soon as Guy starts telling the story, looking everywhere but at his father.  Then he disappears as fast as he can go with the green clad genin giving enthusiastic pursuit. 

Sakumo only makes it out of bed the next morning because Genma comes in to find him.  The chunin doesn’t even need to ask him why, somehow already a close enough friend that he understands.  Sakumo wonders if he’ll break when he loses that support this time, or if he’s still strong enough to keep moving.  Genma is determined not to find out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think?
> 
> (And for anyone needing cute: The cute scenes I had that I wanted to write was the idea of Guy living in Kakashi's house, and the reactions of Kakashi, the ninken, and Team Guy to being invited to the first ever Team Dinner. I may still have to write that, because now it's probably Sakumo's idea, and they have the Hatake house instead of Kakashi's appartment.)
> 
> As always, any version of Genma I use has been heavily inspired by reading blackkat's [Life and Times of a Shinobi Denmother](https://archiveofourown.org/series/70083). He's taken on a life of his own by now, but that's definitely the root of my Genma.


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